An incident happened recently where a couple of caucassian coworkers seemed to be picking on a particular person who of a non-caucassian. AT first, I thought : "Ok, it is just this one coworker they are picking on." Then, I began to realize that this specific coworker started to pick on other people with non-caucassian background. For instance, if a mistake would be made, she would definitely have something bad to say about this new colored person, but if that same mistake was made by another caucassian person, I noticed she behaved differently.
I started to feel really targetted being someone of a colored background and I began losing trust and respect for that one coworker. I ended up talking to my manager about it in terms of solutions on how to deal with this situation. After talking with my buddy, it occurred to me that the reason why I had all these feelings of anger towards her was because I felt inferior in front of her.
That was quite a surprise for me to actually get to be aware of all that, but I am not surprised at that.
Self forgiveness:
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of anger for that coworker.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of mistrust for that coworker
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of hatred for that coworker
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of wanting her to leave the job
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of resentment for that person
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of wishing that I worked with better people
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of wishing for financial freedom so that I didn't have to work.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience emotions of bitterness towards that coworker.
I realize that the reason I experience all the above emotions and emotions is because of my feelings of inferiority towards people of a particular ethnicity. I realize that this coworker was teaching me about how I feel in front of others women of white ancestry. I realize also that if I saw everyone as one and equal to me, none of these feelings would come into play and affect me. The reason why I became affected is because when I see certain people getting bullied probably because of race, it is because I have concluded automatically that they are inferior in a certain way (in this case race) and that is why they are being bullied.
The next time someone tries to say something to someone who is of a different ethnic background, I will definitely keep in mind that I ought to see that other person as one and equal to me, nothing inferior, and not allow myself to react fast because of my mind telling me that is it totally normal to react to an event where a colored person is being treated unfairly.
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